“Rabbi
Shimon Bar Yoachai said, 'if I were alive at Mount Sinai I would
request from God that he create man with two mouths, one for Torah
and one for all his other needs.'
Later
he changed his mind and said, 'The world can barely survive from all
the lashon hara produced by man's one mouth, how much more so if he
had two?'.”
A
cousin recently complimented me. I replied with a self-effacing
denial. When he accused me of speaking Loshon HaRa about myself, I
replied that it might be Loshon HaRa, but it was certainly not Motzi
Shem Ra (slander). Being that I have been trying to work on myself,
as well as the fact that a few recent public examples of Loshon HaRa
spoken about people whom I respect, caused me pain, I have been
thinking about how to speak less Loshon Hara.
The
question that is commonly asked is a good one. Why is it wrong to
speak Loshon Hara, if what is said is true? I would like to offer
three possible answers to that question.
Incomplete
Picture
The
gemara in the last perek of Pesachim (113b) tells the story of Tuvya
and Zigud. Tuvya committed some sort of sin (the implication is that
it was in the sexual realm) and Zigud testified to Rav Papa that he
had witnesses the sin. Rav Papa promptly ordered that Zigud receive
lashes. When Zigud protested, Rav Papa explained that by testifying
as a lone witness (rather than as apart of a minimum of two witnesses
as the Torah requires), Zigud accomplished nothing other than
besmirching the name of Tuvya.
Both
in the realm of testimony as well as the role of a judge, one person
has no power in Jewish law (with few exceptions that do not disprove
my point). The implication seems to be that no matter how much one
person might think they know the whole story, it is impossible that
they do. There is only one Solitary Judge in the world, and we as
humans have no ability, nor any right to think we can serve as the
sole judge, jury and executioner.
Painting
an incomplete picture.
One
might protest and claim that in this
particular case, they do know the whole story. If so, why not share
it?
I
have made my share of mistakes and had moments which, if used to
paint a picture of who I am, would make for a less than stunning
image. Just as I recognize that those unfortunate and disappointing
moments do not show the whole picture of who I am, even if I have
seen someone commit a heinous act, it is, at best, part of who the
person is, and not the entirety of who the person is. I have heard it
said that this is one way to read the mishna in Avos which says
“Havei Dan es KOL HaAdam L'Kaf Zechus”. While many translate that
phrase as “Judge each person favorably”, it can be read as “Judge
the entirety of a person favorably”. One action does not make for a
bad person.
Harming
yourself
If
neither of the previous explanations help, there is a third approach
which might. There is a well known statement of Chazal that speaking
Loshon Hara harms three people; the one about whom it is spoke, the
speaker and the one who receives it. While it is clear how speaking
poorly of someone hurts that person, by how does speaking negatively
about someone, or accepting that report cause harm? The answer is
obvious, but (therefore?) worth internalizing. Being negative is
corrosive. I have seen it in my own life. As I have imperfectly
worked on being less negative and cynical, I have seen how I have
changed. If for no other reason than because it hurts you,
letting go of negativity, in the form of Loshon HaRa and otherwise,
is a must.
May
we merit to see the good in others, including ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment