Monday, September 25, 2017

Bnei Machashava Tova- My aspirations to grow with the help of others


What can I say? I’m not a Litvak. Each year, when I come to Shabbos Shuva, having left Rosh Hashana and on my way towards Yom Kippur, I have no interest in a Shabbos Shuva derasha which explores the intricacies of Migo for 58 minutes, with a two minute reminder that essentially says “Oh yeah, don’t forget do teshuva” (I say this not criticize anyone's approach, but merely to point out what doesn’t work for me). Alas, I have made my home in Passaic rather than Mezeritch, so that chassidic derashos about teshuva and our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu are not to be found. It has been many years since I last attended a Shabbos Shuva derasha.

This past Shabbos, a friend from a different shul mentioned that he would be going to hear Rabbis X’s derasha, as he thought it would be more inspiring. As I thought about what he said, it occurred to me that what I was missing was not just a live version of what I could get in the Piaseczna Rebbe’s Derech HaMelech, but even more so, is a live version of what I have found in his Bnei Machashava Tova, which I recently completed for the second time.

Each time I go through a small portion of the sefer which was written to create small groups of chassidim who work together to become truer Ovdei HaShem, I am left with mixed emotions; joy and inspiration at the ideas he writes about, mix with feelings of sadness as I can only imagine what being part of such a group would be like. To cite one example, his descriptions of Shaleseudos leaves me yearning for an environment where the singing and camaraderie would truly be m’ein olam haba.

None of this is to suggest, God forbid, that I am not surrounded by those who aspire to greatness in their Avodas HaShem. I am fortunate to live in a community which has many Bnei Torah. At the same time, I’ve reached a point in my life where my soul yearns for a different kind of nourishment. While I’m fortunate to have a chavrusa with whom I learn Hachsharas HaAvreichim, which is a high point of my week, and to have friends in real life, as well as online who are into chassidus, most of the time I am left with the feeling of something akin to parallel play, like what young children do when they play next to each other, but not with each other, as each of us tries to grow in his own way.

Of course, part of my struggle comes from my own weakness. I am simply not capable of becoming who I want to be by myself. I want to learn together with others, aspire together with others, and grow together with others. I picture myself as part of a group of like-minded individuals with whom I could try and put the Piaseczna’s holy words into practice, meeting each week to learn, sing, and talk of holy things.

That’s what I realized this past Shabbos. Not only do I wish I could have been present for the Rebbe’s teshuva derasha from 1930, but that afterwards, my friends and I could have gotten together to talk of what we learned and how, together, we could take steps towards living it.

14 comments:

  1. There WAS a derashah in the neighborhood, that you were invited to, on the topic of Yir'as Shamayim, Yir'as Hashem and Ahavas Hashem -- how they interrelate (*not* a dialectic) and 20 min of ideas of how to develop them. Specific and measurable steps.

    And it came with light (very light) refreshments!

    I'll let you know if the speaker is following up on Shabbos chol hamo'ed with another talk.

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    1. I think you know how much I respect you and your derech, but at the same time, for the most part mussar does not engage at this point in my life.

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  3. I agree with R' Micha. The Piaseczno Rebbe isn't here to bring your chabura together, but he left an instruction manual--which you have read twice now. Libi be-ma'arav, ve-ani be-sof mizrach Brooklyn!

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    1. It's a fair point. I suspect that part of my hesitancy, in addition to a lack of time, is a sense of inadequacy as far as being the person who has the right to try to put something like this together. And yet...

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  4. I sympathize in all ways. I can only say that if you look hard enough you will find one or two soul brothers in your area. You can always join my online support group for those who are “trans-Litvish” (my own term), who look Litvish on the outside but inside they know they were born as Chasidim).

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    1. Neil, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I'd love to hear about your approach and the others you've found. On a personal note, I can't tell how much i appreciate the fact that you take the time to read what I write, but also to respond with such thoughtful comments.

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  5. I heard a powerful idea during our Drasha from Rabbi Berkovicz, that if you're not ready to shred a $100 bill if you are oveir the particular aveira that you are working on, than you're not really holding from azivat Hacheit! I definitely here you about a proper shalosh-seudos on a high level...

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  6. I lurk. I read most of what you post on your blog (in my old age I have little patience for Facebook posts and comments, sorry.

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    1. Good for you for staying away from FB which while having some positive qualities, has many negative affects on all of us.

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    2. I quit during 10 yemei teshuvah for the simple reason of hours in a day. Not negative affects or anything like that, just a straight bitul zeman calculation.

      24 hours minus sleep and going to bed, minus davening and travel to-from shul, work and commuting... how much discretionary time do you have left? What percentage of that time do you want to spend in conversations that don't have much in either real human contact or intellectual depth? This is the time you could be spending with your kids, learning, connecting with your wife or friends -- and in your case, students, writing...

      So, how much of that discretionary time does FB grow to fill?

      I did the math for Mon-Thu, Fri, Sat, and Sunday and didn't like the result. In terms of my own priorities, it is just not worth the time it takes to really keep up with FB.

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    3. I took it off my phone earlier this week, which will keep me off for many of the too many hours I was on it. I realized I was addicted. It's only a few days in, but I already see a difference.

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  7. http://www.thelehrhaus.com/commentary-short-articles/2017/10/21/deciphering-the-rosetta-stone-of-the-holocaust

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    1. Unfortunatley, the author focuses on the value to Holocaust historians -- people who want to memorialize the rebbe rather than keep his Torah alive. However, along the way he describes what it took to put together Derashos miShenos haZa’am.

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