As a teacher, I frequently
heard students say that their grade was one big family where
everybody was included. I think the boys and girls who said that,
really meant it. Still, in almost all cases, they were mistaken. On
the side, at best ignored, were some kids who just weren't cool
enough to be part of the group. It was those who worried me the most.
Of course, there were others about whom I was concerned, students
who, despite their many wonderful traits and talents, never seemed to
truly fit in.
Last week I heard of
another suicide of a young adult. I didn't know him, but the news hit
me hard. It awakened old wounds, as I thought of two former students,
whose lives ended too soon, at their own hands. While it is
impossible to reach every student who feels alone, thinks of himself
as a malcontent, and/or has mental health issues, it seems to me that
more can be done by schools to address this issue.
One thing that must be
done is mental-health awareness. As in general society, mental
illness is still very much stigmatized for teens, particularly for
boys. Whether it's calling other kids “retards” or simply making
fun of any perceived difference, there is an atmosphere that makes it
very uncomfortable to acknowledge mental illness, or even ask for
help. This stigma also causes families to not ask for help, help
which would be forthcoming, if there was a child with any other
illness.
Nearly 13 years ago, Rabbi
Nati Helfgot wrote a very
powerful article about dealing with severe depression. He shared
his personal experience and how he was treated in a way that helped
him get through it. Schools need to figure out how they can assist,
or at least support, a student who is dealing with mental illness.
Just as a girl who would have a disease like cancer would be
supported by both the school and her classmates, the same should be
done if she misses school for a reason connected to mental illness,
assuming of course that the girl is interested. I have seen some
schools that do this well, but it needs to become the norm.
While it would not be
possible or advisable to ask for adults within the school community
to discuss challenges they themselves have gone through in dealing
with this, an alternative would be to show that great leaders both
Jewish (Rambam and the Kotzker rebbe come readily to mind) and
non-Jewish (Lincoln and Churchill) have dealt with mental illness
without it destroying their lives.
Of course, I know nothing
about why this young man killed himself last week, but it would be
positive if his suicide could serve as a wake-up call to Jewish
institutions such as schools and camps. We owe it to our youth to try
harder and better.
Post by Pesach Sommer.
